
I picked up Esme from school today and took her to the park for a picnic and some playground time. We had a great time- it was nice to have some one on one time with her again this week. On the way to the park, she started talking about how she used to live in Colorado. I told her that she didn't live there, she lived in Ethiopia before she lived in Georgia and that Mommy, Daddy, Aislin and Declan lived in Colorado before. We kept talking about it and then I told her how she had another mommy and daddy in Ethiopia somewhere. I know I have told her this before, but she has never really said anything about it. Today, she asked me what her other mommy and daddy names were. Man. For some reason, this just tore my heart apart and I just started crying! So glad she couldn't see me.. I just told her that I didn't know their names because I had never met them. I know as she gets older she is going to want to know about her story and history and life before we met...and I know it is going to be hard emotionally for all of us. I guess I don't quite feel prepared for this.. but maybe I never will be. Sometimes I wish that I had names and places and pictures to give her. Something other than "I don't know". I don't feel I can give her much information at all and it just breaks my heart that she will never know things about her other family and her birth and all those little things that make up part of who she is.