plain and simple

I miss the earth so much

Woke up this morning singing that.  Feeling exactly that way... so disconnected and out of control lately- totally *not* me. Making the motions, but not really feeling anything. For obvious reasons.  Ready to be done.  To find a home.  To sell a home.  Or to give up and move back to the home that refuses to sell. I want to be settled.  I want my kids to have their stuff back, to have their rooms.  I'm tired of worrying.  Tired of stressing.  Tired of crying. Tired of limbo. I'm just *tired*. 

trouble

Last night while putting Aislin to bed, she whispers to me, "Mommy, I want to tell you a secret. JP is a little cutie-man.  I like him.  I love him. I want to play with him all the time."

JP *is* a little cutie in her class, the little cutie bad boy of the class. 

Uh-oh.

now i know

where my chocolate addiction comes from..

My dad was alone last night for dinner.. after getting home and putting the kids to bed, I asked Dad what he had for dinner. 

His reply?  "Cookies and M&M's". 

"What???"

"Well, there were peanuts in them"

Nice. Like peanuts make that a healthy dinner.

mama likey

Here it is... and I am in love :-)   Never thought I would be in love with a wagon, but it hit me hard- I *love* my new car.  Took the Xterra to Nissan to turn it in and the thing felt like this big old clunky clumsy big (did I already say that?) piece of junk.  The Volvo is smooth, comfy and has plenty of room... the *only* thing I will have to get used to is bending down to put the kids in their seats...I have hit my head plenty of times going in for that...knocked a ponytail out today :-) but I still love it! 

the skinny ...

well, maybe the not-so-skinny.... here is my problem lately.  Stress + Sweets= bigger than ever Renee.  Really.  I am the heaviest I have ever been.  Not liking it.  My aunt Linda and I set a goal a few weeks ago to lose 10% by October 9th (well, I want to look good for Memory Trends).  So far, I have gained a pound.  nice.  Yesterday, while beached on the side of a pool in my bathing suit, my friend tells me (after I tell her that I am *way* icky) that we just may need to face the fact that we are getting older and are not going to have the bodies that we want/ that we used to have.  Pan over to this hot mama in her little bikini with her hot body.  I was liking her.  Not like that.  Well, maybe like that ;-) .  Anyways, that got me thinking.  I don't really like the body that I am in.  Don't like the person I am in this body.  I *feel* bad about myself.. I don't feel like I used to when I was my nice size 4/6/8.. which wasn't too long ago.  I look at myself in the mirror and wonder what happened?  When did this happen?  This is not me, not who I am supposed to be.  But for some reason, I have a hard time getting motivated.  Motivated to exercise.  Motivated to stop eating junk/ snacks/ big meals.  Mainly the exercise thing, though- if I would just exercise, I would be good, feel good- I always feel SO good when I exercise.  Maybe I can take the next four weeks and set a goal that is achievable- to at least get started.  I know it is going to take an effort.  I know it will take some HUGE motivation on my part to start.  SO, I guess stating all of this may help me... maybe... wish me luck? (well, not you, Linda!! )  ha!